Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
