I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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