If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
only you would photoshop your dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
