just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
