so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
