I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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