i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
