Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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