You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
