I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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