dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
