so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
