That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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