What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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