It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
