i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
