It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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