I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
