Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
