We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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