We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
