We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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