is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize