I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
