I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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