Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
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