the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
