Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
