I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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