Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
