Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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