I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
