when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize