I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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