I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize