no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I did not marry a roomba.
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