All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
