I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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