there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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