3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
