its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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