dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
