I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
