the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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