I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
