How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
