So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
