I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
this is an emotional support booty call
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
