and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
