It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
