he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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