Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize