I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
