Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
