I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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