i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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