It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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