Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize