Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dignity is for republicans.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize