He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's JV to your varsity
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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