Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
