Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
