my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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