I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
