the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
