You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
