So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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