Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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