It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
