I wish i was in the wii world.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Randomize
