saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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