Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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