I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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