the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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