Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
