I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
