Me too!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
