Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
