I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize