So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
