Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
