I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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