he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
