There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
