Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
