I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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