I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
