Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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