I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
