maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
