is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
