just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
